


memories engraved in the seasons

by clamtom



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: (biphobia...), Fluff and Angst, Hockey, Ice Skating, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, lol...., loona lesbians later on, sehun is a sugar baby..lai and daehwi are gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-04-30 23:25:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14507748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clamtom/pseuds/clamtom
Summary: Chanyeol is the captain of the hockey team, Kyungsoo transfers for the school skating program halfway through the semester. He knows things about Chanyeol that Chanyeol's trying to forget.Sparks fly.....on the ice....





	memories engraved in the seasons

**Author's Note:**

> hockey chanyeol/ice skater kyungsoo fic that me n my bffl cosmichero wrote 2gether...its good

Chanyeol was a lot of things. He liked to think of himself as a rich and complex human being, multifaceted. He was a lover, a fighter, a decent freestyle rapper. A hockey jock with an eye for beauty. A boy in his junior year of college who would treat you right. More than anything though, at the moment he was late.

He was the captain, which meant he got to schedule practice times, but he was late anyway.

“It’s your fucking fault.” He wailed at his roommate, Sehun, as he pulled a puffer jacket over his sweater and swiped a foot under his bed in a desperate search for shoes.

“What? That I know how to use the school website? Shut up.”

Sehun was the unofficial captain of the Mountainview University’s ice skating team, and had booked the 12 pm slot at the ice rinks. Chanyeol had to take the 10 am slot, which wasn’t exactly the crack of dawn or anything but, like, a boy needs his sleep.

Sehun growled and rolled over in his bed, “Just go barefoot, you’re gonna be putting on hockey skates anyway.”

“Shut _up_ !” Chanyeol gave up on the bed and stomped over to his closet, where he pulled out a pair of Nike flip flops. It was too cold for Nike flip flops but it was already 10:21. He was out of options, “I _hate_ you.”

He slammed his feet into the shoes and dashed out the door. He heard Sehun mumble, “Be safe out there, stud.” As he threw the door closed behind him.

 _Pointy chinned bastard_ , he thought to himself as he scrambled down the stairs, _Getting to sleep ‘til 12. Bitch._

The ice rink was only a short dash from his dormitories, but there was snow on the ground and he was wearing rubber sandals. The first thing he did upon getting out of the door was get grey, slushy snow all over his socks. The second thing was slip on a wet patch of cobblestone and skin his knee, exposed from the rip in his jeans.

By the time he was reaching the end of the five minute sprint, his socks were soaked and sticking to his sandals.

In the distance, he saw his teammates, huddled in groups around the doors to the ice rink. There were six of them in total, including Chanyeol. Barely a team, barely filling the roster. There was Minseok, a junior and Chanyeol’s closest friend on the team, Taehyung and Jungkook, a set of a junior and a sophomore who were rarely seen a part, Lucas, another sophomore, endlessly smug and irritating, and Guanlin, sophomore. Sometimes they had the plus one of Guanlin’s boyfriend, Daehwi. Daehwi was a skater, and didn’t need the rink until 12, but he often killed two birds with one stone by showing up to swoon over his boyfriend’s hockey moves and then already being fully awake and used to the cold of the ice rink by the time his own practice started.

He was there that day, and only served to add a sixth to the five voices of his teammates shrieking at him.

“CAPTAIN PARK!”

“WE’RE FREEZING OUT HERE!”

“WHERE WERE YOU?”

“DON’T TELL ME YOU WERE WATCHING PORN?”

Chanyeol hated college boys sometimes.

He skidded to a wet, squelchy stop in front of them, and was bowled over by the sounds of six complaining voices and several shoving arms.

“I have fucking frostbite!” Lucas said, brandishing a set of purple fingers, “I’m gonna lose a hand!”

Chanyeol shoved past him, “Fuck off. I overslept, okay?”

He pulled his set of keys out of his pocket and started unlocking the door.

“Why’s Chanyeol the only one with the keys if he’s the only one thats late all the time?” Guanlin said huffily.

Chanyeol turned to glare at him, but had to turn quickly back to the door, the tips of his ears burning. Guanlin was there with Daehwi, which happened so often Chanyeol couldn’t even set a rule up about it anymore. Today, however, they were both covered in hickeys. Guanlin was wearing a sweater that looked suspiciously like something Daehwi had been wearing only a few days before. Daehwi, inexplicably, had his arm tucked fully up the back of said sweater. Guanlin had his own arm resting against Daehwi neck, combing through his hair with his hand.

“He’s the captain, Lin, don’t be mean.” Daehwi said.

Chanyeol heard Guanlin coo something incoherent to his boyfriend and had to resist gagging. He pushed the door open and went inside to hold it open for his teammates, “Happy now? Assholes.”

His teammates shuffled past him, grumbling amongst themselves. Minseok stayed behind to walk with Chanyeol to the locker room.

“Underclassmen fucking _suck_ ,” Chanyeol groaned to his friend, “Waking up _sucks_.” He let the door swing shut and behind him and didn’t bother to lock it. He heard Minseok snicker.

He gave Chanyeol a friendly punch to the shoulder as they started walking, “We’re only a week into the season. You sick of it already?”

Chanyeol groaned, “Hockey was a lot more fun before we had to start sharing the rink with _ice_ _skaters_.”

In Chanyeol’s sophomore year, Sehun and his other little ice skating friends had to take a bus to a specialty ice skating rink an hour or so from the school. Hockey practice started at 12pm, just how Chanyeol liked it, and went on however long the team wanted it to, and Daehwi was off on that bus instead of sitting on the bleachers making gross lovey-dovey faces at Guanlin until ice skating practice started.

But then, Sehun had the bright idea to petition and raise money for a school Zamboni. Suddenly, the school ice rink was in proper condition for the ice skaters to practice on it. And, suddenly, Chanyeol’s life became 24% more aggravating.

Minseok just rolled his eyes and started up a conversation about the Biology test whey both took the day before. Chanyeol was equally happy the complain about that as the ice skaters.

“How am I supposed to know what a abscisic acid is? Like, fuck _off_.”

“I _know_ , right?”

And so on.

They parted ways in the locker room and headed towards their individual lockers. Chanyeol found himself in between a wall and Jungkook, who already had his shirt off and was trying to find the head hole of his hockey jersey.

“Sup, JK.” He mumbled as he dialed the combination to his locker.

“Capt’n.”

“How’s, uh,” Chanyeol scrambled through his brain for conversation topics, “Uhm. Did you catch that big game last week?”

He wasn’t sure what game he was referring to, but Jungkook immediately perked up and began talking a mile a minute. He forgot about his hockey jersey plight and dropped it to the floor in favor of flailing his arms.

“That play? That _fucking_ play? I was watching with Taehyung and we both fucking _lost it_! I was screaming, like,” Jungkook mimicked screaming. Chanyeol jolted and then laughed nervously. He wished Jungkook would put a shirt on.

He turned away to shuffle around in his locker, “Cool, cool. Uh, me too.”

A high whistle cut through the general noise of the locker room, and Jungkook and Chanyeol both looked over their shoulders.

It was from Lucas.

“Nice shoulders, Guanny.” He was bent over and snickering.

Guanlin was scarlet. Now that he had his shirt off, it became clear that the hickeys on his neck spread across his shoulder and down his back. Chanyeol’s eyes widened and his shade soon matched Guanlin’s.

“Is Daehwi a fucking piranha? Oh my fucking _God_.” Lucas wheezed.

“Sh-shut up, Lucas!” Guanlin quickly put on his practice clothes and headed towards the door leading to the rink.

However, before Guanlin could even set foot outside the locker room, Chanyeol heard Lucas yell, “Can’t be away from Daehwi for five minutes, huh?”

Guanlin replied by slamming the door.

Jungkook laughed. Chanyeol turned around to make exasperated eye contact with him, trying to find some semblance of heterosexual comradery, but Jungkook was just smiling.

“They’re cute.”

“Lucas and Guanlin, or?” He tried for a joke.

Jungkook shook his head, “Daehwi. It’s just nice. How they’re together all the time, and so happy together, you know?”

“I guess.”

“They’ve been dating since high school, right?”

“Right.”

Jungkook continued, “You’d think they’d be sick of each other by now. Reminds me of me and Taehyung.”

Chanyeol raised his eyebrows.. His ears automatically honed in to Taehyung’s deep voice across the room, “Are you two…?”

Jungkook’s eyes widened and he shook his head rapidly, “Oh! No, no. No, I don’t...Not that there’s anything wrong with…Not that I wouldn’t… ” He coughed awkwardly, “No, we’re not like that. I’ve just known him forever, and he’s still my best friend. Guanlin and Daehwi are more than best friends, I guess, but you know what I mean.” He bent over to pick his jersey up. Chanyeol couldn’t help but search his skin for hickeys before it disappeared under the jersey. There weren’t any, “Everyone says you get sick of people if you’re around them too much, but I don’t think that’s true.”

Chanyeol didn’t talk to anyone from high school. They were all left behind, just blurry memories. As for romantic partners, he had dated a girl for 3 years in high school, but they broke up when they graduated. He’d even forgotten what college she was at now. Chanyeol just nodded.

Jungkook laughed, “Too heavy for 10 am locker room talk. Sorry,” He threw his skates over his shoulder and punched Chanyeol on the shoulder, “I’m gonna head out. See you later, Capt’n.”

“Yeah. See you.”

Other members were starting to trickle out. Chanyeol hadn’t even taken his socks off yet.

 

Chanyeol was off during practice. Everyone noticed the way he let the hockey puck go right by him, or how his shooting was nowhere near the goal. Even Lucas, who was admittedly one of the worst players on the team, managed to get the puck away from Chanyeol on several occasions. Chanyeol didn’t even complain about the fact that Guanlin spent most of the practice fooling around with Daehwi. Minseok, who acted as an unofficial co-captain or second in command of the hockey team, pulled Chanyeol off the ice about thirty minutes into practice. His face was etched with worry, although Chanyeol seems almost nonchalant about the whole situation.

“You feeling okay?” He asked.

Chanyeol leaned heavily on his hockey stick, “Great. Never better.”

“You should rest on the bench.” Minseok said.

“Why? I’m fine.”

“Fine? I don’t think I’ve never seen you play worse.”

“I’m doing fine.”

“You let the puck get away from you ten times, just in the last fifteen minutes. Do you think that’s doing fine?”

Chanyeol didn’t say anything, he knew he was playing poorly, but he didn’t think he was doing _that_ badly. His worst was still good compared to half of the team. He said as much, an Minseok told him to shut up and go sit down. He sighed in defeat and silently headed towards the benches, dragging his hockey stick behind him.

After taking off his skates and getting comfortable, he sat and watched his teammates play. They were an alright team, ranked okay regionally. Even Chanyeol’s ex, Jungeun, who knew close to nothing about hockey, could probably tell they were kind of terrible. Well, he _knew_ she could tell. She told him once when he’d invited her over to watch a practice. He never did that again.

Lucas was definitely the worst of the bunch. He was only there because the school fields were iced over too often to have have a proper soccer team, and he still needed some form of jock credibility. He figured hockey would be close enough, but his skills obviously did not translate. Chanyeol watched him skid across the ice and miss a puck by a mile. The rest of the group were significantly better, but that didn’t necessarily mean great. Taehyung and Jungkook were a little clumsy but could hold their own, Minseok wasn’t spectacular, but he was a stable and reliable player, and Guanlin was pretty fucking talented when he wasn’t leaning on the barriers eskimo kissing Daehwi.

And then there was Chanyeol, who was actually at Mountainview on a hockey scholarship. The school had just built an ice rink when Chanyeol graduated and they needed hockey players to fill it up with. Apparently Chanyeol and Guanlin were the only ones that got the memo, though.

He supposed that was one upside to the skaters being there. At least the ice rink was worth the investment now.

Chanyeol sighed into the sleeve of his jersey. His time on the bench was past the five minute mark and the boredom was truly setting in.

He decided to text Sehun.

_Bitch_

Not as eloquent as he was hoping.

 _What do you want_ , Sehun replied, and then, _shouldn’t you be playing jockey. dont text and skate_

 _***Hockey_ , Chanyeol typed _, And I’m on the bench_

_Does that mean the ice won’t be disfigured when i get there_

Chanyeol looked up at his phone. He waved at Minseok as he passed and Minseok skidded to a halt in front of him, “What’s up, Yeol? Feelin’ better.”

“No. And, hey, do me a favor and scratch up the ice real good, okay?”

Minseok quirked an eyebrow, “Roommate trouble?”

“Yes.”

He rolled his eyes, but when he skated away he was digging extra deep into each stride. Legend.

Chanyeol switched to Snapchat and took a quick video of him to send Sehun.

 _I’m gonna put a boiled egg in your sock drawer_ , Came Sehun’s reply.

Chanyeol sent back something about Sehun being too stupid to boil an egg and Sehun sent back something about fucking Chanyeol’s dad. It was one way to kill the time.

After about half an hour of trading insults, switching the topic to when and where they were going to get dinner and then going back to trading insults, Chanyeol was interrupted by Daehwi sitting down next to him.

He quickly whipped his hand down from the middle finger he was about to take a picture of and send to Sehun, and turned to look at Daehwi.

“Hi, Chanyeol!” He said brightly. Chanyeol made a strained smile.

Beyond the Guanlin stuff, Daehwi was always just too _cute_ and _bubbly_ for Chanyeol. Just looking at the boy and his lavender hair and round cheeks gave him a bit of a headache.

But there were certain unspoken rules of jockdom, and being cool with your teammates dates was in fact one of them.

“Uh. Hey, Daehwi. What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing. I just thought it was weird we were both on the bench but sitting on, like, opposite sides of the rink.”

“Oh, yeah. Weird.”

Chanyeol hadn’t noticed.

“Anyway, how’s your morning been?” Daehwi asked, “I’m _exhausted_ , honestly.”

Chanyeol quickly blocked any thoughts of what Daehwi could have been up doing all night and said, “Yeah, me too,” He eyed the bench where Daehwi and Guanlin had been minutes before, “So, uh, where’s Guanlin?”

“Minseok said he had to go play,” Daehwi rolled his eyes, “Guanlin doesn’t _need_ to practice, though. He’s already _so_ good!”

“Well, uh,”

Daehwi raised his eyebrows.

Chanyeol coughed into his hand, “I mean, everyone needs to practice. That’s how you get good.” He grimaced slightly at hearing himself echo what Coach Lee told him when he signed up for the team.

“Yeah, but…” Daehwi pouted, “He’s already so good, so he needs to practice _less_.”

“Sure.”

Chanyeol decided not to further the conversation, but Daehwi continued on talking about a really good restaurant he’d been to the other day (with Guanlin, of course). He seemed fine with Chanyeol not replying, so Chanyeol just sat back and tried to not listen to him.

God, did this guy have to gush about _everything_? Sometimes things were just okay, not super cool and amazing, or literally the best thing that ever happened to him. Chanyeol didn’t know if he was just a particularly depressing person, but he felt like he was in the right on that one. His eyes followed Guanlin as he guided the puck across the ice, blocking jabs from Taehyung and Minseok as he went.

He crowed victoriously as the puck flew past Jungkook and hit the net at the back of the goal. He accepted a gloved high five from Minseok and then his eyes searched the benches to beam at Daehwi. When Guanlin saw Daehwi wasn’t looking, he just shrugged and skated off, not even a hint of disappointment on his face.

Chanyeol was very suddenly and painfully jealous at how easy they were, Jungkook’s words echoing in his head. He tried to remember a time when someone had ignored him or brushed him off and he just didn’t care, because he was _that_ certain that they still loved him, and he drew a blank. There was something hot and unpleasant building in his chest.

“-So, I look at this guy and I’m, like, _hello_ ? Are you _sure_? Because I think I saw someone walk out of your store with that exact same sweater!” Out of the corner of his eye, Chanyeol would see Daehwi was making very exasperated hand gestures, “Can you believe it Chanyeol? The guy just lied to my face!”

“Can’t believe it.” Chanyeol mumbled.

Daehwi, ever the storyteller, changed tones, “But, here’s the thing, he wasn’t lying! They really were sold out of the sweater, because Guanlin had came in a few minutes earlier and bought it!”

Chanyeol could feel himself get more and more irritated with Daehwi. He was basic jock-level sociable, but he was one of those people who needed to curl up in the corner of his bed with his covers over his head when he was feeling like shit. Listening to Daehwi talk in the harsh lights of the ice rink was kind of the opposite of that.

“Can you believe it? It’s like Guanlin had read my mind or something.”

Chanyeol put his face in his hands.

“It was amazing! I almost called the manager on that poor guy and everything because I thought he was lying. But, no, he wasn’t lying, my boyfriend had just bought the last sweater a few minutes earlier and it was lying on my bed when I got back to the do-”

Chanyeol gritted his teeth, “Hey, Daehwi?”

Daehwi turned to look at him, beaming, “Yeah?”

There was something venomous sitting on Chanyeol’s tongue. He didn’t know what it would be yet, but he knew when it spilled out it would be nasty, everything from the morning built up and released. Daehwi and Guanlin, getting up early, Sehun. An ex. That one who just rolled his eyes at Chanyeol when they saw each other on campus. They were all ice skaters.

Right, Chanyeol was going to say something about ice skaters. Something about those tight pants they always wore, how dancing like that wasn’t something men were supposed to do. Something Coach Lee would say.

He felt the guilt rising the same time as the words. They were about to come out.

Something clicked a few feet behind him.

“Hey, uh, sorry to bother you guys, but the front desk told me the ice skating team meets here?”

Chanyeol’s anger left him in a swift flood and he was left with only the burning guilt. He looked over his shoulder the same time Daehwi did.

There was a boy Chanyeol didn’t recognize, standing with his head poking through the door Chanyeol had unlocked just an hour and a half earlier.

His head was shaved almost bald, and his face was tinged bright pink from the cold. Chanyeol blinked.

“Oh!” Daehwi scrambled up from his seat to meet the boy at the door. If anything Chanyeol was thinking had seeped through his facial expressions, Daehwi apparently didn’t notice. He took the guys arms and lead him through the doorway, “It’s hockey right now, but ice skating starts in twenty minutes or so! After the Zamboni gets done!”

“Oh…” The boy said, looking kind of lost. As the rest of him entered the building, lead by Daehwi, Chanyeol saw that he was wearing a thick brown sweater and had a pair of ice skates held by the laces in one hand. He was only slightly taller than Daehwi, which meant he was going to be short to Chanyeol.

“I’m on the ice skating team, too!” Daehwi chirped. Chanyeol realized with slight panic that Daehwi was leading them towards him, “Come sit with us.”

“Thank you. Oh my god,” The boy smiled and rubbed the stubble on his head with his free hand. He had pretty lips, “I was so worried that I was going to show up late on my first day. They really don’t mark anything around here.”

Daehwi stood right behind Chanyeol’s back to shake hands with the new guy, “I’m glad you made it, then! I’m Daehwi. I’m an ice dancer.”

Chanyeol watched him as he took Daehwi’s hand, “Do Kyungsoo. Uhm, I dabble but I’m mostly a solo skater.”

“Oh, cool!”

Neither of them sat down. They just stood there looking at Chanyeol.

“Right,” Chanyeol realized. He jumped up from his seat, bruising his shins of the row of benches in front of him, and turned to introduce himself, “Chanyeol. I’m captain of the hockey team.”

He stared directly into Kyungsoo’s eyes as he talked, which was a bad idea. Kyungsoo’s eyes were intense. Dark almost to the point of black, huge, shining curiously at Chanyeol from behind a thick pair of glasses. He blinked and Chanyeol thought of puppies where he should’ve thought of owls. He was right, though. Kyungsoo was short to him, stood somewhere around his neck.

Kyungsoo held out a small hand, short fingernails, for Chanyeol to shake and Chanyeol shook it, slightly stunned at how his own hand engulfed it. Kyungsoo’s hand was warm, despite him just coming in from the cold day. Chanyeol let go quickly.

Kyungsoo looked at him for a long moment, something quizzical in his expression. Just as Chanyeol was about to ask him what his fucking problem was, he spoke first.

“It’s nice to meet you, Chanyeol.”

He stepped over the benches and sat down, Daehwi smiled and joined him. Chanyeol stood there.

He could either sit down next to Daehwi and risk getting his ear talked into a bloody stump, or he could sit down next to the new guy and risk...Something. He didn’t know. This guy just made him feel weird.

He sat down next to Daehwi, his honey brown hair blocking Chanyeol’s view of Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo let out a low whistle, “This rink is _huge_! Way bigger than what they have back home!”

“Oh, yeah?” Daehwi perked up, “Where are you from? Are you transferring?”

Chanyeol couldn’t see Kyungsoo’s face, but he could hear the brushing sound of him dragging his hand over the stubble on his head.

“Yeah. I’m from California. I’m transferring for the skating program,”

Chanyeol tensed immediately.

“Wow… Long way from home, huh?” Daehwi said empathetically.

The words spilled out of Chanyeol’s mouth before he could think about them, “Where in California?”

Kyungsoo leaned back to see Chanyeol over Daehwi’s back, “Sorry?”

“Where, uh,” Chanyeol cleared his throat, “Where in California? Are you from.”

Kyungsoo gave Chanyeol a look that he couldn’t read. His thick eyebrows were slightly furrowed, but his eyes didn’t betray anything, “Ventura.”

Cool. Cool, cool.

Chanyeol could practically felt his blood run cold, but the back of his neck burned.

“Do you know the area?” Kyungsoo asked carefully

“I, uh,” Chanyeol stuttered over his words. He felt himself blushing, and his palms getting cold.

Kyungsoo’s eyes watched him almost eerily, as if he knew what thoughts were going through Chanyeol’s head at that very moment. Daehwi only looked between them, a blank smile on his face.

“Hey, so. I’m gonna go.” Chanyeol said suddenly, standing from his seat, bruising his shins again, “Not feeling great.”

“Uh.” Daehwi looked understandably lost. Kyungsoo’s eyes were wide, but it was entirely different than shock or confusion. Daehwi looked between them again, “Should I tell Minseok?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol looped his skates over his hockey stick and hefted his hockey stick onto his shoulder, trying not to look at Kyungsoo, “That’d be great.”

Then he turned around and stormed towards the locker rooms as fast as he could.

He felt Kyungsoo’s eyes staring at his back.

 

“You’re back early,” Sehun mumbled. He was perched on Chanyeol’s bed, clipping his toenails. Per usual, Sehun was taking his time getting ready for practice. His skates were haphazardly strewn in front of his bed, and his duffle bag was wide open with various pieces of clothing hanging out of it.

“I wasn’t feeling well,” Chanyeol kicked his slippers off and let them slap wetly against the dorm wall, “And I thought I told you to stop doing that.” He pointed at Sehun’s scattered toe nail pile.

“Well, I’m not gonna get toenails in _my_ bed.”

Chanyeol groaned, “Whatever. I need your help with something.”

Sehun grunted to signal he was listening. Chanyeol crossed the room to sit down next to him, kicking off his wet socks as he went. He’d ran just as fast back to the dorms as he did to the ice rink. Maybe faster. Water was splashed as high up as his thighs. Out of the corner of his eye, Chanyeol thought he saw Sehun wrinkle his nose in disgust, as if he was the disgusting one in the dorm. Chanyeol decided to fight that battle later.

He finally took a deep breath and started talking, “You’re like, obsessed with kid’s ice skating competitions, right?” The words jumbled out of his mouth messily. Chanyeol could feel the tips of his ears turn red.

Sehun quirked an eyebrow, “I wouldn’t say _obsessed_ , but, yes, I do watch the occasional junior skating competition. It’s been quite the season. A lot of them are doing really well, they’ll be moving up to the senior ranks soon-” Sehun cut himself off. He tossed his nail clippers onto the desk that sat between their beds and wiggled until he was in a more comfortable position, “Why?”

“Not important,” Chanyeol said, “I just need to know where you watch them. Or, like, I don’t know. What channels? Do they ever do reruns?”

Sehun snorted, “Re-runs? What are you, fourty?”

“Sehun. . .”

“They’re all on Youtube, dude,” Sehun rolled his eyes, “I thought everyone knew that. There’s stuff from when _I_ was skating on there. Like, probably stuff from Baekhy-”

Chanyeol’s froze, “ _What_?”

“Yeah you just look up, like, insert area junior ice skating competition insert year. If you’re looking for a specific kid, you can look that up too. People upload this shit, y’know.”

“They…I didn’t know that.”

“I can tell,” Sehun shrugged and pushed himself off of the bed, “I gotta head out to practice. Have fun doing… Whatever you’re gonna be doing.”

“You don’t wanna know?”

“I trust that you have your reasons. Also, can I borrow your jacket?”

Chanyeol looked down at himself.

“Yeah, the one you have on.”

Chanyeol sighed but shucked the jacket off nonetheless, and then handed it to his roommate, he figured he owed him one, “Didn’t your boyfriend buy you, like, a Balenciaga fur coat or something.”

“Ex boyfriend. He asked for it back.”

“Jesus.”

“I know, he asked for the Gucci sunglasses back too, old bastard,” Sehun put Chanyeol’s jacket on and Chanyeol noticed he looked much better than him in it, “Seeya, Stinky.”

“Bye.” Chanyeol gave a half-hearted wave.

Sehun left, leaving Chanyeol alone with his building dread. Across the room, Chanyeol’s laptop mocked him.

 

“Insert area junior ice skating competition insert year,” Chanyeol mumbled to himself. His cursor blinked back at him.

Like, Jesus Christ. They were just out there, on the internet, for anyone to see. He couldn’t be the only tall, sexy college aged guy who wanted to leave his dark past behind him. That should’ve been illegal or something.

 _California junior ice skating competition 2008_.

Chanyeol was nervous. He felt like he did before he slid out on the ice at every hockey game, like he did on his first date with Jeungun, except there was none of the elation. The gnawing feeling in his stomach with none of the good parts.

“God.”

He hit enter.

The first video that showed up had Kim Jongin in the thumbnail. He was a kid Chanyeol had gone to elementary school with and then forgotten about entirely. He looked stupid in the thumbnail, like Chanyeol had always thought he did in real life. He let himself laugh a little bit.

There was a list of names in the title, listing what must’ve been the most notable skaters in the video. Kim Jongin, Kris Wu, Kim Seokjin. Chanyeol’s stomach plummeted at the sight of his own name sitting in proud all caps next to the names of all these people he hadn’t talked to since he was 12. That he hasn’t wanted to talk to since he was 12. He’d actually went to high school with Kris Wu. Kris was the only person at his high school he knew, in fact, but he still avoided him like the plague.

He clicked on the video.

The video was almost tragically low quality. Chanyeol wondered if it was still the same for all junior skaters. He winced as he heard his name called, and nearly covered his eyes when he saw his younger self skate to the center of the rink. Young Chanyeol eagerly got into his opening pose, something that very depressingly, looked like a swan. Squinting, Chanyeol saw feathers on his costume. He realized then it was one of his short programs, and sighed a little, because at least it was shorter than his free skate.

The music of Swan Lake started blaring through his speakers. Chanyeol shook his head at the music choice, which had been suggested by his sister to his coach at the time. Even in minor junior competition, the music was overused and beaten to even more to death with every skate. The choreography was cheesy, with more elaborate hand gestures to begin with than anything. After one too many bird gestures, he finally opened the program up with a double salchow followed by a double toe loop. Chanyeol cringed at the obvious excitement in his pixelated face.

Daehwi could probably have done that in his sleep, and he didn’t even jump.

But, even now, Chanyeol had to admit almost nothing felt better than landing jumps, even the most simple ones.

In the video, Chanyeol then went through a series of what was supposed to be step sequences. He watched as his younger self meticulously went through all of the required elements. Chanyeol almost cheered for himself when a clean double axel was landed seamlessly out of footwork. The double axel had long been his enemy. He had been landing triples before landing consistent double axels.

Chanyeol blinked. Without thinking he had tucked his knees up to his chest and was gnawing on the nail of his thumb. His eyebrows were furrowed, he was analyzing himself. Chanyeol realized with cold nausea that he still remembered everything, no matter how hard he had tried to forget, replace it with blocks and assists and breakaways. _Salchow_ , Jesus Christ.

He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.

That was it. That was his big secret. He used to be an ice skater, everything he hated. He used to do all that shit, wear tight pants, flourish his hands, move across the ice with the desire to create art, not to break a goalie’s knee with a puck. He used to cry watching Plushenko on the TV, to Johnny Weir, he used to twirl and spin and glide and fly. Chanyeol felt ashamed. Disgusted.

He shouldn’t have done this.

Chanyeol couldn’t see his routine end, but he heard the song come to an end, and he heard the polite applause of the audience.

“And that was Park Chanyeol, dancing to Swan Lake!”

He breathed out, let his head fall onto his knees.

A booming voice echoed through the rink, saying the words Chanyeol hated the most.

“The scores, please, for Park Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol peeked one eye up.

The camera failed to zoom in on Chanyeol, but he could remember how exasperated he always looked in the Kiss and Cry.

“Park Chanyeol has earned in the short program, 55.23 points. It is a new season’s best. He is currently in first place.”

“Nice.” Chanyeol mumbled under his breath.

“Next up we have,” There was a small pause as the commentator shuffled through her notes, “Do Kyungsoo!”

Chanyeol just fell sideways, leaving his eyes open. The song that played was one he didn’t recognize, but he could remember hearing it, sitting on a bench at 12 years old, wiping the sweat off of the back of his neck.

The camera zoomed and Do Kyungsoo was there in front of him. Those big brown eyes were blurry, and his hair was a few inches longer, but it was undoubtedly the boy he had met that morning.

And Chanyeol’s life was over, maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> hope u enjooyed? leave a comment


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